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How Long Should You Wait Before having Sex?

Updated: Mar 1, 2021

This is the million dollar question that everyone woman would like to know, and to be quite frank there is no right or wrong answer. However, it does seem that the common consensus is that the longer you make them wait, the better. I could not agree more. Recently, however, I have been dating someone I really like, and we have been on five dates and still not had sex. Of course, there has been pressure from his end, but I have resisted. However the thing is every time we go on a date we have such a good time, and it just seems and feels like that a perfect end to the evening would be to fall into each other’s arms make love and live happily ever after.

Now, cause I know, in real life, mostly, fairy tales do not happen. When we meet, and I know he really, really wants to get intimate, I sometimes feel guilty, as I think that should be the next progression of our relationship. Though I like him a lot, I feel terrible each week, thinking in my mind that one of these days I probably will not hear from him anymore. He would often call me, and I would be so excited for our date. As we hit date five, I knew every time we went on a date that I would have to disappoint him at the end of it. Usually, I would not feel guilty, but when you genuinely, honestly like a someone you just want to be with them all the time.

So that brings me back to what Evern McEvert always says, “don’t think because you had sex with him he will make you his girlfriend”. So this whole thing is a catch twenty-two situation. Evern suggests saying this to the guy, which is what I plan to say to him on the next date if there ever is one. It goes something like this, “I’m really attracted to you and would love to sleep with you; however, I don’t like having sex with guys who are actively looking for other women. You can understand, right?”; And he will say, “yeah I get it”; And then you’ll say, “so, when we both figure out this is a relationship worth exploring, you’re in for the night of your life. In the meantime, I can think of some other fun things to do”.

I think the primary solution for us as women in this whole dilemma is to decide how we feel about ourselves. If we think we are going to feel used or perhaps not good enough after having sex too soon, then it is better not to do it at all and not to feel guilty for not doing it. The main thing is to feel good about yourself no matter which route you take regardless of whether the relationship works out or not. You have to be confident in the decision you have made. Having sex with someone and it not working out is not anyone’s fault. Sometimes, it was just sex he wanted, sometimes he just wanted something else. Either way, you cannot blame yourself.

What I have come to realize is that Mr. Right will always wait and stand the test of time. Mr. Right would not run away even if he has to wait three months. So this is what I constantly have to remind myself so that I do not feel guilty for not participating in something I would regret later. However, it is not uncommon to find yourself thinking, without having sex with this guy you have ruined the future of any other possible encounter with him. This is also not true.

Sometimes, waiting gives both of you just enough space and time to recollect yourselves and decide that you both really want to be together. There is a lot to be said about all of this. Sometimes the best thing is just to be really, really honest to the person you are with. Put it all out there, tell them how you feel. If they run away, then they were never going to be there anyway. You might as well find out now. Remember; “having sex does not mean commitment and commitment does not mean sex”; You both are on a journey of self-discovery, let it all out let it all loose and tell one another the truth, If he cannot handle your truth. Then why would you want to be with him anyway? Either way, the choice is yours, take full responsibility for it. Good luck! In the mean time, I am still trying to figure out how to tell my guy Everns line I quoted above. When I do pluck up the courage to say the line, I will surely tell you what happens next……


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