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The BABY Mortgage.

Updated: Feb 25, 2021

The last few years have seen a boom in the economy of most countries.  In the USA, the economy is growing faster than ever before.  With economic growth, sometimes comes inflation and house prices usually rise like crazy, as more money in the hands of the people, equals a higher demand for goods and housing and with that comes crazy mortgage rates, for those can afford to buy a home.

 Usually, in the boom times, money is easy to come by, and banks give it freely; so one can buy a home if one can afford it, but you still need to meet specific criteria and at least have a good credit score.    

Amid all these house price wars, however, are those that have a rather sophisticated mortgage instrument, sometimes referred to as “The Baby Mortgage.”   The Baby Mortgage is unbelievable! There are different forms of this instrument one can take out, and at best, it can be a lifesaver, especially when one is lucky enough to negotiate a higher-end version of this mortgage, that is interest-free, no prepayment penalty, and lasts for anywhere between 18 to 21 years.

I mean a mortgage with no down payment! Usually interest-free! No repayments! Sometimes it can even include renegotiating for a more expensive place; occasionally the home may end up being bequeathed directly to one’s child tax-free.

This mortgage almost sounds too good to be true.  Yes, you may be right only a few badass bitches use this mortgage instrument on purpose.   Most, however, fall into it.

Now let me give you a breakdown of what this mortgage consists of usually.    This mortgage firstly is typically available only to females, but that said, some men are beginning to take up this mortgage too.   The mortgage instrument always depends on the affordability of the bank.  In this case, the bank being, the benefactor that’s providing the financial instrument.   You are probably scratching your head, thinking what a benefactor has to do with a mortgage.  Don’t worry, its not an inheritance… Well, kind of.

Yes, you heard me right; that’s the million-dollar word, “benefactor.”   This Baby Mortgage is everything hands down.   It even comes with a benefactor being the bank or banker (lol smiley face) that pays the monthly mortgage.   The one caveat, however, is most of the time after a period 18 years to 21 years, its paid off, but the property sometimes does not become yours legally.  Wait a minute before you start screaming.   It, of course, stays in the family cause it usually goes to your kid.  So I hope to god, the kid does not decide to kick you out.

For those of you still wondering what this mortgage is or where to get one. The first thing I would advise if you are male to get one is to get a uterus or perhaps become gay. The reason being, this mortgage usually happens when you have a child, and the guy who impregnated you is solvent. Commonly, as I have seen from those ladies in the know, you end up with a cute little condo or house and a few thousand bucks allowance a month. Baby daddy now has to make sure the precious cargo is well looked after.

Girl! This mortgage is so powerful that you can even get a court order to activate it, especially if the homeboy is well to do.   Just ask my Russian friend Oxana.    Lol, talk about the luck of the draw.   From a studio apartment in the middle of nowhere to a 3000sqft condo in the middle of London in a very posh neighbourhood, located in front of a lovely gated private garden square reserved only for those of influential means.

Oh! Did you figure it out? Finally. I am sure if you check your circle of friends, you will probably know one or two of these mortgagees. Be they a friend or an acquaintance; there are a lot of them that exist all over. I am not averse to the mortgage arrangements; in fact, I should have sealed a deal like this myself in the past, and by now, I would be set for life. Just kidding.

However, you get me. Meaning you know what I mean. It’s just insane. Everyone is looking for a free lunch, and if you happen to get a Baby Mortgage situation, you may be laughing to the bank.

Imagine all the money you could save, without paying rent. Now, before you all get your knickers in a twist, I am not advising anyone to sell their soul to the devil so that they can get free rent for 18 years. However, I just thought I would let you know ( if you are that blind) what a lot of our gender has got themselves into these days. Giiiirrrllll…….. I don’t even know where to start.

This none recourse loan is one of the best I have seen. Ask any washed-up model who bagged herself a temp husband because she was once a Victoria Secrets model. Please!! (eyes rolling). However, guys are at it now too. So girls we better watch out.

I have nothing against getting compensated after a divorce. That’s not what I am talking about. Most of the ladies that take out a Baby Mortgage are not even caring about that. They are trying to make some money and usually either end up with a married man or have a baby cause they know this benefactor would be paying for a long time. This is the gift that keeps on giving. Don’t slay me. I am just giving my opinion.

Do you know of any other mortgage instruments, now or otherwise, that can beat the Baby Mortgage? Please write to me or comment below and let me know.



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